New Pictures

A New Day

I am tired of people acting like they are better than me. I was told I am immature yesterday. Okay, I am 35 years old. I am in grad school--way more education than the person who said that by the way. I also believe I am a better person that the one who said that. Let me explain...Why do certain people think you must be married in order to stay true to them? Why do these certain people think dating requires you to sleep with anyone you want? When you are dating someone and you date them more than once, you are true to them. You do not sleep with someone else for any reason. I don't care who you are...you should never have to share your man with someone else.
Anyway, I am better than that and will find someone who isn't so stupid and selfish. I have been asked out and have had a few dates with some great guys. Maybe I'm just not ready. I don't care what people say...I will do what I want.
I'm going to church tomorrow. I want to try a new church. Remove the jerk in my life and replace him with a feeling of not needing anyone. LOL. God will help me through this and so will my amazing family and kids. I'm going to hang out with my boys today and turn off the phone so I don't have to worry about stupid text messages today.

Welcome Back Blog

I haven't updated my blog in a long time, but felt drawn to update it. I don't really care if anyone reads it, I just need to get some things off my chest.

First, I don't understand men. Males to be correct. I am constantly surrounded by all males. Male children, male pets, etc. I am completely outnumbered at home. I dated a great guy over the summer. I thought he was great. He was wonderful to me. We spent tons of time together and I thought he was so different from the other losers in the world that I have met. LOL. First sign of trouble, he cheats. What's that all about? Why would you solve your problems in someone else's bed? Makes no sense. I decided today that it was a blessing in disguise. What if I had stayed with this guy and he cheated on me then? I would be more than just devastated. I would be destroyed. Okay, so my brain knows I need to let him go. My brain knows he is not good enough for me. My brain knows I DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER. The problem has never been my brain--its my heart. I gave it to him and he used it and broke it. Why is that? Who knows. Friends tell me I deserve better and I will get better. I just wish I could forget. Unfortunately, I can't let him go even though I want to.

My job: teacher extraordinaire...

I teach high school English...Did you hear me? I TEACH 14 YEAR OLDS. I have a teenager at home who drives me crazy then I go to work and try to teach stuff like "Romeo & Juliet" to teenagers who could care less. I am doing so many fun things, they don't complain, but it is very very hard. They don't care what some old dead guy said. Even if that old dead guy is the amazing William Shakespeare...

So I went on a date with a guy last night. He is so sweet. Kept telling me how beautiful I am. He said he couldn't understand why the summer guy let me go. He said he was an idiot for not wanting to be with me. Oh well. We will see how things go. According to summer guy, I'm too emotional and clingy. I thought I was being loving and devoted. Men are very confusing creatures. Men think women are confusing....geez.

Life is so confusing...

I haven't posted a blog in a really really long time. There are many reasons for this...1. I am going through a divorce and didn't want to burden you will the boring details. 2. I have so much crap running around in my head, I couldn't put what I was feeling into words. (not sure if I can yet).

The boys are great. Okay, that's not entirely true. They have been fighting like wild animals lately. They are currently grounded for a week--school and sports (that's it). So far, its been okay. They said some things to me this weekend that really hurt, so I am sticking to my guns with this punishment.

Jacob: He is now taller than his mother. I am 5'4" and he is 5'5". That scares me--why is my premie growing up so fast? Makes me crazy. He is on the middle school baseball team--first base. He is really loving it. Jake just finished middle school basketball and he hated it--I think because the coach wasn't all that great.

Gabriel: He is getting bigger every day. I look at him and it makes me want to cry. My last baby is growing up way too fast. I was upset last night and he wiped away my tears and was patting my back. I hope he never loses his sweet personality. Of course, he can be mean, but when I really need it, he is there with a hug and kiss.

I am so confused about my life. I guess that's because I'm trying to figure out who I am without Reggie. He doesn't make it easy to leave him, but I'm trying. Its hard to cut yourself off from someone you have been married to for 13 years.

School is okay. I still want to teach a younger age group. Ninth grade is not making me happy any more. I'm calling another school district today (I interviewed a while back). I have been driving about 25 minutes from the apartment to the kids' school, then another 20-25 minutes to my work. It makes me really tired and almost always late. At least I don't have students first period. The driving really sucks, but I want the boys to be able to stay at their school.

Okay, so there is more that I want to say, but I still can't get it out...so, I'll stop now.

So, wish me luck and pray for us that things work out.